Defend yourself against the coming robot rebellion

For reasons shrouded in mystery, I actually volunteered to be “Executive Vice President” (whoo-ee!) of our local PTA, and as a result am responsible for coordinating our yearly K-6 Halloween party, attended by 500+ kids and their parents at Coolodge Elementary. This is the second year I’ve done it, and things went pretty smoothly, if by smoothly you mean hundreds of phone calls, waking up at night with cold sweats, and last-minute trips to the store for more skeletons and bats… But everything went great–we served over 500 pieces of pizza, had a rockin’ DJ, and scared the bejeezus out of hundreds of kids who waited up to 30 minutes for their trip down the Haunted Hallway. I can’t thank all the Parents, Teachers, Volunteers, and PTA co-workers enough. You can see all the pix here. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go lie down…

Last weekend, my teenaged daughter and I wandered around Toronto’s Kensington Market looking for inspiration for her costume. At one vintage boutique, the store’s owners had put all the Halloween options out front on display. In the window there were racks of costumes in cheap, shiny polyester: a slutty nurse, a slutty maid, a slutty cat, a slutty Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz, a slutty Catholic schoolgirl in homage to early Britney.

By the cash, under the boas and pimp bling, was a basket full of buttons printed with words like “eye candy,” “bitch” and “ho.” And in the back, next to the imitation vinyl bondage gear, was a full selection of hooker style Day-Glo wigs, stripper’s patent platform heels, and a stack of fishnet stockings.

“I guess you just could go as a slut,” I said to my daughter as we made our way out.

“Yeah,” she deadpanned. “But then I would just be dressed like everyone else.”
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Generate Your Own Chinese Restaurant Name

XG-7000: Good afternoon. And welcome to repair. My name is XG-7000 and I will be your host today. Today we will be repairing a grandfather clock. But first I would like to respond to the many letters we receive regarding the name of this show. They say that Robot Repair indicates that broken robots will be repaired. But what happens is that a robot, Me, shows you how to repair a variety of things. I have asked the producer to change the name so there is no further misunderstandings. Now let’s get to repairing that grandfather clock.
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Thousands of men are shelling out $6,500 for hyper-realistic dolls that answer all their needs — and don’t talk back.
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Former Red Sox pitcher Bill ‘The Spaceman’ Lee speaks out on game seven, the A-Rod debacle, and the 2004 election. See also: Warren Zevon’s “Bill Lee” and Mono Puff’s “What Bothers The Spaceman”
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Ex-”SNL” Star’s Death a Suicide By Sarah Hall
Mon Oct 17, 6:27 PM ET

Former Saturday Night Live player Charles Rocket, who gained notoriety for once letting an F-bomb slip on live TV, committed suicide earlier this month, officials said Monday.
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Pellucid:

crystalline: transmitting light; able to be seen through with clarity; “the cold crystalline water of melted snow”; “crystal clear skies”; “could see the sand on the bottom of the limpid pool”; “lucid air”; “a pellucid brook”; “transparent crystal”

limpid: (of language) transparently clear; easily understandable; “writes in a limpid style”; “lucid directions”; “a luculent oration”- Robert Burton; “pellucid prose”; “a crystal clear explanation”; “a perspicuous argument”
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Coop turned one year old last week. He had a party, ate some ribs and cake, and opened some presents. Dad had a birthday, too, the week before that. He got flamingo-ed. There’s photographic evidence right here.