Panic Room
Those of you who follow this blog (and don’t you have anything more meaningful to do with your time, anyway?) know that am four months into my kitchen remodeling project, which includes but is not exclusve to:
–Ripping out three layers of old flooring down to subfloor and installing new wood floor (complete)
–Repainting (pretty much complete)
–Removing all old cabinets and counteryops (complete)
–Ripping out wall section, re-wirig electrical, replacing with Hardi-backer for backsplash tile (in progress)
–Installing all new Ikea cabinets and countertops (in progress)
–Installing undercabinet lighting (next few months)
Had I ever done any of this stuff before? No I had not. Did I have any idea how to do it? Yes I did, by talking to people (especially my neighbor) and a lot of web-based research. Did I have the necessary tools? No, I borrowed my neighbor’s or went to Lowe’s. Did it go like I expected it to go? If by moments of sheer unadulterated panic, then yes, it has gone exactly according to plan.
I’ve been reading this excellent book called HEAT, a biography of an amatuer chef who went to work at Mario Balto’s New York restaurant to find out all the things he did not know, which fill up this book. Most aspiring chefs will work for free in an established three or four star restaurant as a “kitchen slave”, doing whatever the Chef tells them to do for up to three years, learning the trade from the bottom up (chopping onions for two months straight, for instance.) We have all seen movies about interns in hospitals, or read about that moron Donald Trumps’s APPRENTICE TV show. But now, after almost four months of this, I am starting to think there really is something to this whole sink-or-swim-uncontrollable-panic thing.
I can safely say that I have learned more about home improvement from these past few months than I had ever known in my life. Not just physically and intellectually, but emotionally. (Though my helpful neighbor, who I yelled at last week over a minor construction issue, may disagree with that…) I am also nominally more confident about doing certain jobs, and a lot more confident about destroying things. 
And I don’t think I would be as confident or would learned as much without the pressure that comes with doing a large project. I have felt the same way about computer programming at my job, and learning to be a good husband and Dad With great responsibility comes great fear, and the opportunity for greater knowledge. And more spectacular failures!
I was talking to a friend about this, and I had to say that it reminded me in part of my mis-spent youth, where you ask yourself “What about one more [insert legal or illegal substance here]? Could I handle it?” or other related actvities that we now look back on as adults in our “What Was I Thinking?” mode. Hopefully though, these little projects are not based on self-destructive impluses, but on a desire to keep stretching and learning and challenging myself. The people I respect and admire the most always keep trying new things and opening themselves up to new experiences, even when it’s not in their comfort zone. And hopefully I’m mature enough to have a back-up plan in case things don’t turn out like I expected…
Anyway, enough yappin’. Where’d I put the Sawz-All?
