Every month Esquire magazine has a section called “What I Have Learned”, where they have a page full of quotes from a celebrity (Bob Barker, Jack White, Merv Griffen, whatever…) about their life lessons. I’ve lived almost half a century, so here are five of mine:
The thing you hate most in other people is almost certainly the thing you hate most in yourself.
If your friend asks you for advice, and you give them advice, they will do exactly what they were already doing that was causing them problems in the first place, until they hear your same advice from a stranger, after which they will take that person’s advice, then turn around and tell you “You know what I heard?”
It’s more important to have a friend who will have your back and be there for you come heck or high water than to have a friend who’s funny and clever. If you can get both–awesome! Otherwise, stick with the person who’ll have your back.
The first thing you argued about with your spouse is the same thing you’ll be arguing about on your 20 year anniversary.
If you’d spend half the time just doing the thing you’d been complaining about, you’d be done by now.
And one bonus Thing I Have Learned:
Your conservative/Republication/Libertarian friends will go to great legths explaining why the government should not be robbing them of their tax dollars for “good” works, that they should be able to keep this money and make their own decisions to choose what kind of good works they want to contribute to for the causes they believe in. But when you ask them what causes are they donating their time and money too, what do you get? Bubkus.
I’ve been so busy lately I’ve barely had time to read anything but the Times and Penthouse Forum letters. But finally I got a spare moment when the kids weren’t screaming and the wife was busy doing wife stuff, so I picked up THE MAN ON THE BALCONY by the Swedish husband/wife crime writers Maj Sjowall and Per Wahloo. They have written a series of police procedurals, one of which (THE LAUGHING POLICEMAN) was even made into an American crime movie in the 70’s with Walter Mathhau and Bruce Dern.
What do I like the most about Swedish detective novels? I’m glad you asked!
They are very straightforward. A crime is committed, and the investigators attempt to solve this crime given the information they have and what they can extrapolate from that. Period. There is no “History of Sweden” or “love affairs among the police” etc.
By not being “about” something besides solving crimes, they are actually about quite a lot. They are about the state of society. By not being a “big” book about the meaning of life, they really are, to my mind, about the meaning of life. About coping with the world, and understanding that world, and trying to make sense of it all. Only they don’t have Sean Penn being held back by hundreds of people going “my daughter!”…
The are, above all, about one of my favorite topics, and something I happen to believe very strongly in, which is the value of perseverance vs. the existential despair of life. These policeman follow every lead, all the time, even when they don’t feel like, een when they don’t like or respect one another, even when it’s a waste of time, even when 95% of the leads are a complete washout. Why? Because one of the leads might be the clue that solves the crime. You have to try, and try, and try again. Why? Because that’s what life is, isn’t it?
I’ll leave you with a cheerful passage from the book that sums up everything I like about these books. The detectives are trying to solve some murders of children. There are very few leads, and the press and the public all want answers, and, very often, there are no answers–at least not now. And even if they find answers, it won’t stop these terrible things from happening again. But that doesn’t stop you from trying, now does it?
The knowledge that all this had happened before and was certain to happen again, was a crushing burden. Since the last time they had gotten computers and more men and more cars. Since the last time the lighting in the parks had been improved and most of the bushes had been cleared away. Next time, there would be still more cars and computers and even less shrubbery. Kollberg wiped his brow at the thought and the handkerchief was wet through.
Tim and Eric’s Awesome Show – Great Job! is on the Adult Swim on Cartoon Network, and their new season starts next week. One can’t say enougha bout how truly odd and disturbing this show can be. Plus it has famous guest stars. This season is John C. Reilly and Jeff Goldblum along with many others. They even have a streaming talk show on the web. Anyway, check it out..
One of the many, many, many, manythings I do not understand about contemporary modern life these days is the propensity of certain people to use their car horns rather more indiscriminately than one would think would be recommended in this difficult day and age. Here in the Detroit area, where everyone drives (because it would be a sin against nature to use public transport) some people will honk to let you know they want your parking space, or for some real or imagined slight, or because you paused at a light one millisecond too long, or to make a pretty girl look up, or any of a number of seemingly endless reasons, few of which can be adequately interpreted or understood.
Why? Because horns are LOUD, people. They are OBNOXIOUS. They BLARE SUDDENLY, SCARE and CONFUSE their intended recipients and anyone unfortunate enough to be in the vicinity of said horn blast. There is no subtlety and no way to respond, except perhaps by blaring your OWN horn, or flipping the bird, and generally creating even more sudden chaos.
Has a horn blast ever really stopped anything bad from happening, except in movies? The last time I tried to use my own horn, when a guy didn’t see me and was going to back into me, I couldn’t even find where to pound my hand to beep. Has anyone ever come up to you after being beeped to say “Good job ‘ole chap-you really turned things around for me. I am a changed man, thanks for the horning!”
Like the quoteman sayeth, when you only carry a hammer, everything starts to look like a nail. So people please, I beseech you…be careful and aware while you drive, and for God sake’s–lay off the horn!
I am Brad. This is my Blog-ola. All you kids with your Facebooks and your Twitters...in the old days all we had was a rawhide Blog-ola, and we were lucky to get that!
