When you are with your kids, you spend a lot of time joking, singing, and making up words, anything to stop you from completely losing your mind. You find yourself saying and remembering things you really don’t need to remember. For instance, the Frito Bandido Song, which was eventually removed from the air for being so racially insensitive. (Which, in retrospect, it totally is, and makes you wonder how on earth it ever got on TV in the first place. ) I must sing this thing a few times a week in the car on the way to Day Care, the hardware store, or my Cultural Insensitivity Workshops. But it certainly it was one awesome and memorable jingle. Now, all together!
Date Night. Time to spare. Visit Salvation Army store. Found (4) MARS ATTACKS figurines at $3.00 each. Buy all 4. Look them up on EBay–they go for $30 each still in the package. Awesome! Set aside to post up over the weekend. Son wakes up, comes downstairs. “Dad, are those for me??” Of course they are! So much for Dad’s retirement.
Work all day. Tired. Wife falls asleep putting the boy to bed. Time to get daughter to bed. Turn on TV. “Dad! It’s AMERICAN IDOL? Can we watch it? Will you watch it with me???” Another hour of bonding, another hour closer to death.
You know, when the first snowfall came, near the start of the Holidays, that was awesome. Ten inches of snow, kids and wife missed school, we went sledding. That was fun! And when, on the next day, we had a few extra inches, hey, that was OK–I’m a guy, I have a snow-blower, and I’m happy to use it. But when more snow came the next day, and my daughter couldn’t even finish shoveling the walk, and then yesterday, when the snow that was supposed to come on Christmas Eve came in the afternoon instead, and the relatives called and said they would not b able to drive down for the Family Xmas party after we had spent the last three days painting and cleaning and cooking lasagna and wrapping presents… Well you know, I think that’s kind of enough now. And this is not even mentioning the kids and the “too cold to go outside so you destroy everything indoors”, or the 2-degree Date Night. So I’m all for a Christmasey vibe but–whaddaya say we take a break for a little bit?
My wife had a Birthday. I had a Birthday. Cooper turned 4 and we had a pony and petting zoo. Enough with the birthdays! This is costing us a fortune! Give us a break! I get it–I am old. Everyone I know is getting older. The little ones get cute, and my wife gets MILF-ier. But me, I just continue to decay. But what’s the alternative? As Loudon Wainwright III says: “Life’s a job you’re fired from, unless, of course, you quit.” And I’m not quitting any time soon, thanks!
Our daughter has turned 10. She got a pink guitar, and has already learned two chords, and written about a dozen songs based on these two chords. How did this all happen, and how did it hapen so fast?
We had our annual family trip to the Addison Oaks County Park, and it was fun, if by “fun” you mean “eventful” and if by “eventful” you mean that my poor 8-year old niece fell off a bike and scraped her face and broke her arm, and her Dad got posion ivy, and her girlfriend coldn’t sleep all night with bad allergies, and I broke my toe running away from a racoon. Yes, I think “eventful” pretty much describes it. There are more terrifying pictures here.
When we were at Old Orchard Beach in Maine, my daughter wanted to borrow our digital camera and take a video of the ocean, I said sure, knock yourself out. But as she took the video, I started to worry about the amount of memory left on the camera, and kept going “OK, that’s enough!” Of course, lo and behold, when we get home and i download the video to my PC, darned if it isn’t the most beautiful, relaxing, zen-like appreciation of the mighty rolling ocean I have ever seen. So here it is, uploaded to YouTube for your benefit. As a bonus, it also includes my obnoxious Dad commentary.
Could you please lower your voice? You’re being kind of loud.
You are so smart, you can be anything you want to be.
I asked you before–lower your voice!
Great job!
I don’t care if your brother hit you, that is no excuse to hit him back.
Zip your lips. Zip it. Zip! It!
That’s it. No TV. No Computer. No Anything. Go to your room–now! I mean it–GO! Yes, I am talking to you, and I want you in your room this instant. Not the stairs. Not the bathroom. Your room. IN Your room. Not near your room-IN IT! NOW!! If you value your life, you’ll go NOOOOOWWWW!!
As God is my witness, if you don’t lower yor voice, you will not live to see another day.
I am Brad. This is my Blog-ola. All you kids with your Facebooks and your Twitters...in the old days all we had was a rawhide Blog-ola, and we were lucky to get that!
